Shape versus size

It appears that I may be a little critical of myself...

I went to the shops and was looking at buying something to wear for last night.
I wanted the navy and white polka dot jeans (no chance I was trying on jeans though)

I tried on a dress that was a size 14 and it was so tight. I was so devastated. All I was thinking was c'mon, I'm working my ass of and I'm dying to walk into a shop and pick up a dress and for the only issue to be is the style.

I hate that these shops carry mainly sizes up to 14 and maybe sometimes you can see a 16. That means I am the biggest or second from the biggest in women's clothing. Talk about a downer.
I beat myself up, I felt so down.
I think that I'm huge!

Then
I looked at a photo from last night.

Seriously what in the hell is my problem??
I am healthy and strong and very fit.

Why do I have such a bad attitude about my size? About my body? About a number?

It is ridiculous and time consuming and such a waist of time!
Dad says dress to suit your body, I say change my body. And I am but in the meantime dress the skin I'm in.

I saw a pic the other day and read the comments that followed and I want to point out that even neked I still have the muffin top. If I have jeans on they need to be tight enough to stop from sliding of my ass. My ass just doesn't stop anything falling off.

 This looks unsightly. I am aware of it but this is my shape. So no jeans, no pants. Painful!

I gained twenty kilo's and I had a valid reason for it. I no longer have that disease and I am doing everything I can to get my ultimate healthy strong body.

I have the finish line drawn, I need to keep the journey going.
I need the positive energy to get to it.

So i am aware of the trigger and I need to stay away from it. Shopping for clothes is not where I am yet. I have a bit to go before this wont upset me. Sooooo no clothes shopping for the moment.

I don't want to be the girl that talks about this as an issue when I'm out. So that's the reason for blogging it down.

I did learn something last night whilst whinging about it. I need to eat before my morning workout to jump start my metabolism. So Nuts in the car on the way is the go. Also I was told to take my meds at the same time everyday with food as it effects absorption.
My mate has a few DVDs for me to look at too. Education is power.

Dinner with friends was a test. I didn't over eat to extreme but I did eat a few things that were naughty. I drank water with dinner and I stopped eating.I switched to wine instead of the mixers and vodka.

Then at 2am we hit maccas in a drunken shambles. Thumbs down but so hilarious!

I'm going to keep on trucking!!!

I am not going to be so hard on myself, if you catch me kick my arse

Smiling

Well it's Thursday night and I spent the day at my brothers house working with dad.

We sat in the sun surounded by fallen autumn leaves and having a chat and a coffee. Priceless

I went to the gym and had a great session. I had energy and still do. My body is working . I heard back from the doc and she had increased my meds a bit and it seems to be helping. Only 900 oroxine a week

The horrible horrible potion from the naturopath may be doing something but I'm not convinced. I've kept going with the fruit and veg smoothie and they actually taste pretty good.

I still don't eat bread and milk. This is definitely the best thing for bloating.
I am really happy.

We hit the shops quickly today and I looked at a few things. Chose not to buy anything but I have so much I want when I reach my goal.

I hope that things keep moving!

I've spent a lot of time looking at fashion and am loving the style around at the moment. Do you ever feel like you shop for others? Somewhere I lost my sense of style. Whether it is the fly away comments from friends about a dress they hate or a giggle at your expense. Whatever it is fuck them. Dress for YOU is my motto lately.

My latest obsession is polka dots. Love them!

If I like it I'm getting it.

This weekend looks like a good one with great friends. Celebrating a big win health wise and a birthday. So fabulous to be a part of such a great group of life long mates. Last weekend we all (minus the macs) got together and when you added the kids it was 23 humans in one house. FUN

When conversation comes easy and laughter flows you know you are in good company xxx