The deal

So last week I went and had my blood work done. I felt tired and bloated and my body was and is still not functioning properly.

Winning, I had three out of three blood results come back in a normal range! You hear that NORMAL!
I could not believe it. A) being that I was not expecting it and B) because it has taken so fucking long!
Talk about a short lived achievement as this result was followed by "but" my thyroid antibodies are well into the thousands and they are meant to be 180. I have emailed the endo and am asking her to check out the results and get back to me with the next move.

If its not one thing it's your mother I tells ya!

So in the mean time I went and got myself a new pair of jeans that sit a little higher and are a little looser. When you come from hipster training it's hard to get into high waisted. Weird!

Seen my girls today, hit the pub for a long lunch. Chilled out in the afternoon sun and chatted. Talk about relaxing. Went out with the girls last night too and had a few cocktails. Feels good to have backed it up today. Nothing like drinking with your sister in law and forgetting that she is with your twin and in fact your in-law,love that.

Hitting the gym five or Six days a week with no weight loss.
Feeling horrible in this body and not seeing any results. Next step endo, allergy test, naturopath, gym and dietician.

For the love of Christ what will I do when I'm skinny?

The terrible two's

If it was you at Big W on sunday stepping over an adorable little blonde toddler, well I apologise. The screaming may have caused you some distress. Holy shit! Terrible two is a fucking understatement. Hubby and I had to divide and conquer this weekend because we had hell on training wheels. All we listened to was screaming, whaling little boys. "he has my toy" or "he hit me" or " mum he bit me" or just plain "no". When I wasn't running away I was screaming!!!!!!!! Why is it that little babies turn around and become the child of satin? I mean we are talking horrible little monsters who are so stubborn it is as though they turn into the freaking hulk! We had to take all of his toys off him as no amount of coaxing would have him out them away. Then he laughed at us. He didn't care! I worked up a sweat just moving his toys out of his room and he was screaming with joy because he was jumping on the bed. ARGH I'm sure the neighbors thinks we are crazy. Well anyway after the big w meltdown I took him to eat with me and he did it all over again. This time in a restaurant. What the hell was I thinking? Nope it looks like Im staying home with him for a while. Was it this crazy with Will? Lord how we fucking forget so quickly. Daddy had a great day with our three year old. When we got back they were snuggled together on the lounge. No bother Talk about a challenge!

Mothers Day weekend.

Mothers Day weekend.

Can I just say it went of without a hitch. Saturday morning started with Yoga and the gym. Then a visit to my friend Leigh's Salon where I was greeted with a bear hug and a hot man! Then transformed for winter. The afternoon was spent at the beach with fish and chips, shell collecting and exploring.

Hubby worked both nights and the kiddies were in bed early and so was I.

Mothers day started with a sleep in and then brekkie and then cards and presents and then quiet time for mum. YAY!

Best weekend ever. So in love and so happy!

I was all over it this morning, house sorted and then of to the library to participate in toddler activities and then to the gym and then groceries. But, in between the library and the gym Tom went crazy! I had him over my shoulder like a bag of rice. Tried to calm him down but he would not hear of it. So stressful with a room full of babies and staff watching you.
When I finally got to the class my pants were to loose but I could not tighten them because they had been knotted. My top was riding up and my bra was to big and nothing was contained in there! I kept loosing track and in the middle of the class felt like I had done nothing. ARGH

The creche staff came in and I was sure I was about to be dragged to the principals office (or back to the creche, but it feels the same)

It all came good and I got it all done. But I am totally knackered!
Boys are sleeping and who would believe me that these two could be anything more than angels!

Just on the gym front I have been going five times a week and yoga on saturday. The before photo's were stuck to the inside of my vanity door for inspiration as was the scales print out from the gym.(it has percentages and BMI etc) I am not eating milk or bread and am watching my intake but not going to town on it. Alcohol was switched to gin and tonic with a twist of lemon 6 drinks a week mainly on the weekend.

My next weigh in is at the endocronologist in a week or so (must check that date...).

My jeans fit me better and I feel much sexier too.

 Next on the to do list is to get my trainer to do my measurements.

What I should have stood up and yelled!

So whilst sitting next to a man he began to tell a story of a woman whom was coming to seek treatment from him as she had been doing manual labour and her body was not used to it. The reason she was doing this is because her husband was suffering depression and was not working. The woman had taken on the load and was sore because of that. Her children had suffered sporting injuries and therefor she was also looking after them. The man went on to tell me that she was overweight and looked as though she did not take care of herself. The man was more shocked to learn she was in fact the same age as him. He said he would not look twice at her if he saw her on the street. He found it hilarious that this woman's husband was not working because of his depression. " what a loser" " hi honey have you made dinner? Nope I'm depressed". He laughed to the point he held his stomach. The man spoke on this topic for several minutes. I did not have the courage to stand up and say what I should have. I could not speak. If I could turn the clock back this is what I would have said: This woman has lived so much more than you because she has so much love for the three most important people in her life that she is carrying them when they are in need. Who gives a fuck what she looks like. Who gives a fuck if she is overweight. You sir have missed this life lesson completely. You sir have no comprehension of being anything but selfish. You may be her age on paper but your about 13 years younger than her mentally (13 years being the age of her eldest child) The depression that her husband is suffering is not a laughing matter. He is not being lazy! How fucking dare you to sit in judgement when you yourself have not been through depression or any mental illness. Not only have you no idea the weight this woman carries everyday but you have no idea of the people in your own life who have and do struggle with mental illness. This woman and woman in similar positions should be commended for all the love and support given to their loved ones. They are beautiful. Shame on you for being an absolute arsehole! That is what I should have said...

Yesterday the kids were picked up and looked after. Hubby and I went to the shops and then cought a movie. At one point he asked if I was a Phsyco, I was so confused. He then explained that I was walking around smiling at people and it was freaking him out. He cracks me up. It did make me think how peaceful I felt though. Yesterday I went to yoga and did a run before that. My god it makes me feel fantastic. I love the instructor, he is lovely! So I still feel really fantastic. Tuesday is the three week mark of being back on oroxine and working out five days a weeks and eating really well. I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin and am excited about going to the doctors in a few more weeks to check out my levels and weigh in. Dad was great this week, asked me how it was going and pointed out that loosing 2.7 kilos was great and equated it to almost three bags of sugar. So I have decided to get a thing going. Twenty two kilos of something. When I loose weight I move it from the "weight to loose" to the "weight I've lost". What to use.... Pebbles! Remembering I'm only going to weigh myself at the six week intervals roughly until I can handle the numbers in my head. Read the cutest little animation the other day "we only have one body, love the one you're in" When I was emotional and agitated the other day I greeted my dad with tears and a cuddle and he wandered of and came back with the coolest wrist cuff. Love my old man! Love my new cuff!

When you open a locked box and immediately after Looking inside you wish you never touched it. That's what tonight feels like. I opened it and felt inside and now I really don't want to be any where near that box. It feels better to be further away from it emotionally. Did I need to open it again. No I don't think so. So back it goes, the locked box. Under some other boxes in a room in a house in another suburb far far away. This week has been one with agitation and frustration. Let it go It's hormones and it's not you. No need to worry, no need to stress because everything and everyone is really really good. See that cemetery? We are a lot better than those folk.

Well 16 days into starting meds again I have been hitting it pretty hard. Healthy eating and working out loads. I'm on 100 mg per day of oroxine and nothing else. I have weighed myself once since that last visit to the doctors office for the compulsory weigh in and can't bring myself to do it again. Even though I had lost 2.7 kilo then I want to go of how I feel and look in my clothes. I will weigh in at the next Endocronologist appointment. It has to be good news. I have had a few hard temptations and made it through them. Trips to Chinese with dad. A visit to mcdonalds today with the boys. Nights out. All the right decisions are being made. I'm getting pretty good at using my will power. I did read a blog this morning which had images of before and after photos. So feeling inspired and reading the blogger regretted not taking the before photo at the very start, I went for it. I took a bikini shot and then put my skinny jeans on and did them up with my belt on the last hole. Holy crap! I am emotional this time of the month and finding it an especially hard time. Adding in some pretty harsh reality checks was too much. I continue to wear tight uncomfortable jeans because I want to be aware as much as possible that it is a continuous battle. As soon as I get home I'm in pj bottoms that's for sure. I have seen people looking at my gut and that is off putting to say the least. Yes I can see your eyes through your sunglasses! I stuck the scales print out from the gym to the inside of my vanity cabinet and I think I will put the photos up too. Just in case I loose focus. I'm considering looking at an eating plan but I don't think I would like following what someone has dictated to me. I have shin splints, blisters on the balls of my foot and under my boobs are red raw. I spoke to the trainer at the gym and she advised to step up cardio and to back of from running while shin splints heal. This week I tried a marathon of classes and loved it! I kept up with a friend of mine and thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm trying to do 5 days a week with yoga as well. I am thinking of setting some goals but am not sure I want weight to be the goal. I need Measurements to be taken instead I think. That with six week endo appointments checking TSH Levels and weight is probably enough. I don't really have a period of time I need to loose this weight and I want to do it for the long term. A lot of my mates are helping me with my battle and I love the company. It sure is keeping me sane. When I miss a workout I get agitated for sure. I met dad with a big hug today and he gave me the coolest wrist kuff because he thought it would look great with his favorite dress