It's good to see you

Well it's been a long time...
I'm starting off by saying how fabulous it has been not to need you and to finally want you.

Happiness is a feeling, it's warm and its welcoming and it's pleasurable to be wrapped in it.

I can't say how long it took me to embrace it but I really am living it.

What a journey. So many laughs tonight.

Tears today for the children killed. Tears for the man I'm missing.

I am seeing heads poking out from behind the trees. I know you are looking after me and it is such a cozy joyous feeling that is not going unnoticed.

I will be writing something down and I have missed you but it's nice not to need you xxx

Shape versus size

It appears that I may be a little critical of myself...

I went to the shops and was looking at buying something to wear for last night.
I wanted the navy and white polka dot jeans (no chance I was trying on jeans though)

I tried on a dress that was a size 14 and it was so tight. I was so devastated. All I was thinking was c'mon, I'm working my ass of and I'm dying to walk into a shop and pick up a dress and for the only issue to be is the style.

I hate that these shops carry mainly sizes up to 14 and maybe sometimes you can see a 16. That means I am the biggest or second from the biggest in women's clothing. Talk about a downer.
I beat myself up, I felt so down.
I think that I'm huge!

Then
I looked at a photo from last night.

Seriously what in the hell is my problem??
I am healthy and strong and very fit.

Why do I have such a bad attitude about my size? About my body? About a number?

It is ridiculous and time consuming and such a waist of time!
Dad says dress to suit your body, I say change my body. And I am but in the meantime dress the skin I'm in.

I saw a pic the other day and read the comments that followed and I want to point out that even neked I still have the muffin top. If I have jeans on they need to be tight enough to stop from sliding of my ass. My ass just doesn't stop anything falling off.

 This looks unsightly. I am aware of it but this is my shape. So no jeans, no pants. Painful!

I gained twenty kilo's and I had a valid reason for it. I no longer have that disease and I am doing everything I can to get my ultimate healthy strong body.

I have the finish line drawn, I need to keep the journey going.
I need the positive energy to get to it.

So i am aware of the trigger and I need to stay away from it. Shopping for clothes is not where I am yet. I have a bit to go before this wont upset me. Sooooo no clothes shopping for the moment.

I don't want to be the girl that talks about this as an issue when I'm out. So that's the reason for blogging it down.

I did learn something last night whilst whinging about it. I need to eat before my morning workout to jump start my metabolism. So Nuts in the car on the way is the go. Also I was told to take my meds at the same time everyday with food as it effects absorption.
My mate has a few DVDs for me to look at too. Education is power.

Dinner with friends was a test. I didn't over eat to extreme but I did eat a few things that were naughty. I drank water with dinner and I stopped eating.I switched to wine instead of the mixers and vodka.

Then at 2am we hit maccas in a drunken shambles. Thumbs down but so hilarious!

I'm going to keep on trucking!!!

I am not going to be so hard on myself, if you catch me kick my arse

Smiling

Well it's Thursday night and I spent the day at my brothers house working with dad.

We sat in the sun surounded by fallen autumn leaves and having a chat and a coffee. Priceless

I went to the gym and had a great session. I had energy and still do. My body is working . I heard back from the doc and she had increased my meds a bit and it seems to be helping. Only 900 oroxine a week

The horrible horrible potion from the naturopath may be doing something but I'm not convinced. I've kept going with the fruit and veg smoothie and they actually taste pretty good.

I still don't eat bread and milk. This is definitely the best thing for bloating.
I am really happy.

We hit the shops quickly today and I looked at a few things. Chose not to buy anything but I have so much I want when I reach my goal.

I hope that things keep moving!

I've spent a lot of time looking at fashion and am loving the style around at the moment. Do you ever feel like you shop for others? Somewhere I lost my sense of style. Whether it is the fly away comments from friends about a dress they hate or a giggle at your expense. Whatever it is fuck them. Dress for YOU is my motto lately.

My latest obsession is polka dots. Love them!

If I like it I'm getting it.

This weekend looks like a good one with great friends. Celebrating a big win health wise and a birthday. So fabulous to be a part of such a great group of life long mates. Last weekend we all (minus the macs) got together and when you added the kids it was 23 humans in one house. FUN

When conversation comes easy and laughter flows you know you are in good company xxx

The deal

So last week I went and had my blood work done. I felt tired and bloated and my body was and is still not functioning properly.

Winning, I had three out of three blood results come back in a normal range! You hear that NORMAL!
I could not believe it. A) being that I was not expecting it and B) because it has taken so fucking long!
Talk about a short lived achievement as this result was followed by "but" my thyroid antibodies are well into the thousands and they are meant to be 180. I have emailed the endo and am asking her to check out the results and get back to me with the next move.

If its not one thing it's your mother I tells ya!

So in the mean time I went and got myself a new pair of jeans that sit a little higher and are a little looser. When you come from hipster training it's hard to get into high waisted. Weird!

Seen my girls today, hit the pub for a long lunch. Chilled out in the afternoon sun and chatted. Talk about relaxing. Went out with the girls last night too and had a few cocktails. Feels good to have backed it up today. Nothing like drinking with your sister in law and forgetting that she is with your twin and in fact your in-law,love that.

Hitting the gym five or Six days a week with no weight loss.
Feeling horrible in this body and not seeing any results. Next step endo, allergy test, naturopath, gym and dietician.

For the love of Christ what will I do when I'm skinny?

The terrible two's

If it was you at Big W on sunday stepping over an adorable little blonde toddler, well I apologise. The screaming may have caused you some distress. Holy shit! Terrible two is a fucking understatement. Hubby and I had to divide and conquer this weekend because we had hell on training wheels. All we listened to was screaming, whaling little boys. "he has my toy" or "he hit me" or " mum he bit me" or just plain "no". When I wasn't running away I was screaming!!!!!!!! Why is it that little babies turn around and become the child of satin? I mean we are talking horrible little monsters who are so stubborn it is as though they turn into the freaking hulk! We had to take all of his toys off him as no amount of coaxing would have him out them away. Then he laughed at us. He didn't care! I worked up a sweat just moving his toys out of his room and he was screaming with joy because he was jumping on the bed. ARGH I'm sure the neighbors thinks we are crazy. Well anyway after the big w meltdown I took him to eat with me and he did it all over again. This time in a restaurant. What the hell was I thinking? Nope it looks like Im staying home with him for a while. Was it this crazy with Will? Lord how we fucking forget so quickly. Daddy had a great day with our three year old. When we got back they were snuggled together on the lounge. No bother Talk about a challenge!

Mothers Day weekend.

Mothers Day weekend.

Can I just say it went of without a hitch. Saturday morning started with Yoga and the gym. Then a visit to my friend Leigh's Salon where I was greeted with a bear hug and a hot man! Then transformed for winter. The afternoon was spent at the beach with fish and chips, shell collecting and exploring.

Hubby worked both nights and the kiddies were in bed early and so was I.

Mothers day started with a sleep in and then brekkie and then cards and presents and then quiet time for mum. YAY!

Best weekend ever. So in love and so happy!

I was all over it this morning, house sorted and then of to the library to participate in toddler activities and then to the gym and then groceries. But, in between the library and the gym Tom went crazy! I had him over my shoulder like a bag of rice. Tried to calm him down but he would not hear of it. So stressful with a room full of babies and staff watching you.
When I finally got to the class my pants were to loose but I could not tighten them because they had been knotted. My top was riding up and my bra was to big and nothing was contained in there! I kept loosing track and in the middle of the class felt like I had done nothing. ARGH

The creche staff came in and I was sure I was about to be dragged to the principals office (or back to the creche, but it feels the same)

It all came good and I got it all done. But I am totally knackered!
Boys are sleeping and who would believe me that these two could be anything more than angels!

Just on the gym front I have been going five times a week and yoga on saturday. The before photo's were stuck to the inside of my vanity door for inspiration as was the scales print out from the gym.(it has percentages and BMI etc) I am not eating milk or bread and am watching my intake but not going to town on it. Alcohol was switched to gin and tonic with a twist of lemon 6 drinks a week mainly on the weekend.

My next weigh in is at the endocronologist in a week or so (must check that date...).

My jeans fit me better and I feel much sexier too.

 Next on the to do list is to get my trainer to do my measurements.

What I should have stood up and yelled!

So whilst sitting next to a man he began to tell a story of a woman whom was coming to seek treatment from him as she had been doing manual labour and her body was not used to it. The reason she was doing this is because her husband was suffering depression and was not working. The woman had taken on the load and was sore because of that. Her children had suffered sporting injuries and therefor she was also looking after them. The man went on to tell me that she was overweight and looked as though she did not take care of herself. The man was more shocked to learn she was in fact the same age as him. He said he would not look twice at her if he saw her on the street. He found it hilarious that this woman's husband was not working because of his depression. " what a loser" " hi honey have you made dinner? Nope I'm depressed". He laughed to the point he held his stomach. The man spoke on this topic for several minutes. I did not have the courage to stand up and say what I should have. I could not speak. If I could turn the clock back this is what I would have said: This woman has lived so much more than you because she has so much love for the three most important people in her life that she is carrying them when they are in need. Who gives a fuck what she looks like. Who gives a fuck if she is overweight. You sir have missed this life lesson completely. You sir have no comprehension of being anything but selfish. You may be her age on paper but your about 13 years younger than her mentally (13 years being the age of her eldest child) The depression that her husband is suffering is not a laughing matter. He is not being lazy! How fucking dare you to sit in judgement when you yourself have not been through depression or any mental illness. Not only have you no idea the weight this woman carries everyday but you have no idea of the people in your own life who have and do struggle with mental illness. This woman and woman in similar positions should be commended for all the love and support given to their loved ones. They are beautiful. Shame on you for being an absolute arsehole! That is what I should have said...

Yesterday the kids were picked up and looked after. Hubby and I went to the shops and then cought a movie. At one point he asked if I was a Phsyco, I was so confused. He then explained that I was walking around smiling at people and it was freaking him out. He cracks me up. It did make me think how peaceful I felt though. Yesterday I went to yoga and did a run before that. My god it makes me feel fantastic. I love the instructor, he is lovely! So I still feel really fantastic. Tuesday is the three week mark of being back on oroxine and working out five days a weeks and eating really well. I'm feeling more comfortable in my skin and am excited about going to the doctors in a few more weeks to check out my levels and weigh in. Dad was great this week, asked me how it was going and pointed out that loosing 2.7 kilos was great and equated it to almost three bags of sugar. So I have decided to get a thing going. Twenty two kilos of something. When I loose weight I move it from the "weight to loose" to the "weight I've lost". What to use.... Pebbles! Remembering I'm only going to weigh myself at the six week intervals roughly until I can handle the numbers in my head. Read the cutest little animation the other day "we only have one body, love the one you're in" When I was emotional and agitated the other day I greeted my dad with tears and a cuddle and he wandered of and came back with the coolest wrist cuff. Love my old man! Love my new cuff!

When you open a locked box and immediately after Looking inside you wish you never touched it. That's what tonight feels like. I opened it and felt inside and now I really don't want to be any where near that box. It feels better to be further away from it emotionally. Did I need to open it again. No I don't think so. So back it goes, the locked box. Under some other boxes in a room in a house in another suburb far far away. This week has been one with agitation and frustration. Let it go It's hormones and it's not you. No need to worry, no need to stress because everything and everyone is really really good. See that cemetery? We are a lot better than those folk.

Well 16 days into starting meds again I have been hitting it pretty hard. Healthy eating and working out loads. I'm on 100 mg per day of oroxine and nothing else. I have weighed myself once since that last visit to the doctors office for the compulsory weigh in and can't bring myself to do it again. Even though I had lost 2.7 kilo then I want to go of how I feel and look in my clothes. I will weigh in at the next Endocronologist appointment. It has to be good news. I have had a few hard temptations and made it through them. Trips to Chinese with dad. A visit to mcdonalds today with the boys. Nights out. All the right decisions are being made. I'm getting pretty good at using my will power. I did read a blog this morning which had images of before and after photos. So feeling inspired and reading the blogger regretted not taking the before photo at the very start, I went for it. I took a bikini shot and then put my skinny jeans on and did them up with my belt on the last hole. Holy crap! I am emotional this time of the month and finding it an especially hard time. Adding in some pretty harsh reality checks was too much. I continue to wear tight uncomfortable jeans because I want to be aware as much as possible that it is a continuous battle. As soon as I get home I'm in pj bottoms that's for sure. I have seen people looking at my gut and that is off putting to say the least. Yes I can see your eyes through your sunglasses! I stuck the scales print out from the gym to the inside of my vanity cabinet and I think I will put the photos up too. Just in case I loose focus. I'm considering looking at an eating plan but I don't think I would like following what someone has dictated to me. I have shin splints, blisters on the balls of my foot and under my boobs are red raw. I spoke to the trainer at the gym and she advised to step up cardio and to back of from running while shin splints heal. This week I tried a marathon of classes and loved it! I kept up with a friend of mine and thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm trying to do 5 days a week with yoga as well. I am thinking of setting some goals but am not sure I want weight to be the goal. I need Measurements to be taken instead I think. That with six week endo appointments checking TSH Levels and weight is probably enough. I don't really have a period of time I need to loose this weight and I want to do it for the long term. A lot of my mates are helping me with my battle and I love the company. It sure is keeping me sane. When I miss a workout I get agitated for sure. I met dad with a big hug today and he gave me the coolest wrist kuff because he thought it would look great with his favorite dress

So you make your way to the specialist. On arrival you have to weigh in on the scale and then relay your weight to the receptionist. BAM! Already your on a downer. Tonight I had gained 6 kilo's I am the heaviest I have ever been aside from at the end of my pregnancies. How do I feel? Cheated. I gained this weight since having radioactive iodine. I didn't eat myself into an extra few dress sizes. I'm not lazy. I don't drink too much. So once you sit in the waiting room thinking about how disgustingly fat you feel and not to mention how horrible you look in your clothes well then you have to get up and keep a somewhat composed face. So then the specialist tells me that I've shot to under active and the treatment has worked. No exact science to the amount of drugs that will work for me so apparently let the games begin. No amount of time until I have a normal. So be positive. A new prescription in the morning. More and more trips to the gym. More conversations with people defending why I'm so fat. Vague responses from people who are just thinking (just stop eating). People who have not walked in these shoes telling me what I need to eat to solve the whole disease just like that! Whalla. Eat this and you won't have a disease. C'mon positive Positive is in here somewhere. I feel disgusting in this body. In my mind though I feel good. It's close Being normal is close Isn't it?

Is my baggage someone elses drama?

The question has been Brought up " can my baggage become someone else's drama?"
I guess the answer is yes.
I sat last night with girlfriends discussing what I assumed they Aready new about me. For whatever reason they didn't. I thought that I had shared this information with them before. Looking back it seemed to be to much for them to take in all at once.
But after discussing this with them I realized that my past few years had put simply, been in addition to a a stack of cards built far to tall. Once you build it up past a certain point it needs to topple over. And that it did.

The past is never going to be forgotten, and can it be forgiven? It always gets remembered. In my case a physical effect rears its ugly head too. The most uncomfortable feeling ever felt.

The only reason it was discussed is because people talk. We have no control over what they say but we are all connected. Never forget that the things you don't mention can always be mentioned by people you have never met.
As I told a good friend this morning picking up the pieces from my meltdown has introduced me to the sunshine they can bring into your life.

I love where we are today. My boys playing and daddy playing guitar in the yard while he watches them. Now that's sunshine!

The next question that this in turn raises is " how, when I was in desperate need of some help could you walk away?"
I don't think that I ever needed to much help, was the drama I brought to your life so much so that you easily made that decision to walk away?

Birthdays are hardest, you don't ever forget the birthday of someone you love.
It's also hard to talk with people who haven't heard, they keep going until you have to summons the composure to tell them " actually..."
I'll never give up hope, I'll probably never understand. I do take responsibility for my Actions but I also have to place it in perspective.

My house of cards toppled over.
And you ran from it...

It was an unexpected delight to see the people who came to pick up the pieces.

Just checking in

Well it's been three and a half weeks since I had radioactive iodine. What a difference! Last week I found myself dancing in the kitchen, laughing out loud to scenarios in my head and dreaming some seriously strange dreams. My confidence is back and I am so smiley. On a few occasions I have found myself thinking about things and then using the tools my therapist tought me to simply move on. Impressive and simple. Today I worked out at home on my own for almost an hour non stop. I went to the gym twice last week. I did a dance class too. I'm tired at the right times. I'm eating properly and drinking water because I'm thirsty for it. Since being home hubby is so supportive and the energy in our home is magic.The boys are a little sick with the flu and Tom is going through the 'no' stage of the terrible two's. I went out to a hens on Saturday night and it was freaking hilarious. The girls were so much fun and everybody seemed to have few inabitions. I love that when everybody is introducing themselves and talking to randoms. I would do just about anything to hear the hen laugh, it resonates with me. So many fun outfits and watching the hens friends arrange everything and filling drinks for us was lovely. It really hit home that surrounding yourself with positive people is essential to a glowing soul. It's Easter next weekend and hubby is gigging all weekend. I hope he enjoys it. Worked with dad last week on the tools. He had me measuring and cutting with the drop saw. Then he had me using the nail gun whoot whoot. Awesome and spending time learning with my dad is so cool. He kept saying " I don't want you to just be a girl who paints". Bless him. I had my tool belt on and all. (it's all about the outfit)

Just blew my stack! Bloody little boys. I spent weeks on and off fixing the walls and painting and I just noticed will has put holes all over his bedroom walls. Fuck seriously I am so upset. Nothing stays nice EVER So I put him in a corner while I patched up the wall again and then took his entire collection of cars and he watched as I threw them in the bin. He keeps asking for them back. I am riding his tail so hard, in the back of my mind I feel so bad. What is to much and what is discipline? I have to be strict or they will wreck the whole place! Right....

Alone on the beach for health reasons :)

It turns out the me time ain't so bad.
It's day four and I am laying under a giant tree listening to the waves crash on the sand.
Some would say thAt taking of alone is strange, but what else would you do of you were radioactive?
I spent a few nights at my parents and slept in. It was fantastic catching up on sleep.
I feel good, tired but otherwise good. I have sore eyes, a fast heart beat and pains in my muscles.
The treatment itself was quick. I sat in the nuclear section of the hospital And when I was called up I was taken to a room and they gave me a flask, inside the metal flask was a glass tube and in that was a pill. Down the hatch and then I could go. I went to my brothers but I really needed a sleep as the stress of it all, the night before had left me sleepy.
So that's it really. 7 days away from kids and keeping my distance from people and I am on the road to normal.
Good times ahead. No more excuses. It's Jenny time. Haha I'm very excited.
So I'm on the beach I had a coffee and an egg and bacon thing(no bread) and I'm watching the people go by.
This is magic but I miss my family. Not long to go. Three more sleeps
I will try attaching photos for you

The night before

So...
Tomorrow Is the day that I see the end of Graves disease.

Although I can't bear the thought of being away from my home and my family for so long (7 days) it is a means to an end.

I am going to the nuclear department of westmead. I will take a dose of radioactive iodine. It takes a three days to leave my system and in that time I need to be very aware of my saliva and waste as it will be radioactive. Today I had my compulsory pregnancy blood test (required as they will not treat any pregnant woman).

I'm not really sure on the other details as I have been told different things. I'm interested in what the doctors have to tell me at westmead.

I guess I am nervous, I am concerned about the treatment as it has effected my family before and we have no knowing what the long term effects will be. The Endocronologist advised me that this treatment was preferred and not surgery. Apparantly the risk of surgery far out ways the Amount of radiation used.

I have had no pills since last Friday and the pain is becoming unbearable. I remember when I was pregnant I would wake to cramps in my legs and would scream. These pains are random but not as severe. They are more often though.
My eyes hurt as well and I do not want to sleep.

All I am doing is eating. I'm nervous it's what I do. My husband is telling me not to...

What if it doesn't work? What if I put weight on. I don't know. What if I do this and I get cancer. Am I doing the right thing?

I'm tired

The unexpected

Well, never expected this!

The thing about being a woman is that certain time of month when things, put simply... Go fucking crazy!

Seriously I new that going of happy pills would mean closer to normal. What I didn't put any thought into is that around that time of the month I would very often take a few extras to help me cope. Holy crap this is just hell.

I want to cry at everything. Today I haven't even managed to shower.

When your best mate says "hmmm, yeah I thought it was your time of the month" and all you can do from reaching through the phone and yelling " it's got nothing to do with that" is grin and bear it. Seriously I had not put two and two together until she said it. What a twit! Yep I have hit unbalanced. Where are my pills????? Gimme gimme gimme

but NO not this time, I'm going to get through it.

Today really does fucking suck though! I went to the gym and over did it, heart rate went over 160 so I went down like a bag of shit in the middle of a pump class. came home mustered up the energy to dress and drop boys at school. Got home and went to bed. Vacuumed and was trying to get through this mega mess when I went down again. Seriously I want normal!!!!! I feel light headed and Am having to force food down because I feel sick. I have dropped the vac on me, kicked my toe and the mess just isn't moving.

All I want to do is curl up and go back to bed. I feel so guilty that I'm not at the other house working. Honestly it is all too hard!

I know that writing it down helps me to come to realizations, such as forget the guilt. If I don't shake this feeling It will get a lot worse. So I will sit for a while, I won't go to work today. Next time I go to the gym I will pace myself. I need to look after me.

I am a horror for the next few days so I need to do all I can to get through it.

I think I need some perspective.

We have friends who are going through hell and I'm having a bad monthly, Jesus this really is a strange life!

The laughter

Bloody hell. Another Australia day come and gone...
this last 12 months went by so fast.

Bucketing down with rain followed by the crazy stinking hot weather, seriously?
we could have been at the beach again like last year. But its so inconsistent that we just went to the pub. Great group of mates relaxing together with the kids running around like little ants.
So nice to have a day together.

I felt no pressure today, was having a horrendous hair day and it is crazy funny how that effects your mood. Hair is everything to a woman. Never let anybody tell you otherwise. Husband thought he did something wrong and laughed when I told him my hair is awful. Not that funny honey!!

Come on will power lets get ME sorted out asap. We can do it Step up!!!

lots happening with renovation I'm doing. Demo'd a kitchen yesterday nothing more empowering than ripping the guts out of a daggy kitchen alone. GIRL POWER

Then home to picking up toys and wiping bums. Don't forget the kisses and cuddles and the most important. The laughter.

Ciao and happy Australia Day

Peace at last.

I don't have much time, the lil fellas are having a bath.

Wow the most fantastic, excellent new is that I'm off the happy pills!!! It happened by accident but I am off them. I feel so happy and I can't believe it.

I ran out of them and didn't refill the prescription. I had a few headaches and my appetite has increased but I have had no dark thoughts and am smiling at nothing.

It is so hard to understand that being balanced can seem like such an achievement but jesus Christ I did it.
My sense of humor is back and I'm feeling as whitty as (I think) I was before. Some may disagree whatever.

Thyroid levels are still too high to have treatment and blood pressure is also to high. I am excersising and watching my pressure as I go. I have joined the 10 million kilo challenge and am about to shop for the new healthy eating plan. I am reading more about a healthy life and also about how to beat auto immune disease. I can not wait for the treatment to kill of my thyroid, I think it will be about six weeks before we can consider it. Ah well when it does happen I will be normal and will not have to monitor anything!!! Oh that will be fucking great.

Had a wicked couple of days, so many laughs. Kids are just so cool. Will went up to the very top of a carnival slide and slid down on a hessian sack all by himself. No fear that kid. I love it. I admire it.

Been thinking a lot about what we have and why we all need so much more, when my parents brought us to Australia from Scotland they had nothing. We had milk crates for furniture and mum knitted to earn a wage. Knitting can you believe it? We are so caught up in stuff. Why we don't need it. My kids dont go without, they certainly don't want for anything. I'm not working this month and so we are not spending as we would normally and today I was thinking wow I don't miss it.

We had great mets over last night and Jesus Christ being 31 and having so much fun.... Life could not be better. The people in my life are my fortune.

I don't want stress, I don't want bitching, I want easy, relaxed fun.
I have lunch with my girlfriends today and damn I can not wait.



Boys are out the bath. Have a great day guys.

Smile and spare a thought for how much we have.

Bloody Nora this morning was horrendous!

Flipping pantry moths have invaded the pantry so I had to empty it out and use a cotton bud in all the holes to clean it out YUK! So whilst I'm knee deep in boxes, cans and packets my wee man gets hold of the green food coloring and proceeds to redecorate the lounge and bathroom!!!!! Green everywhere. It s not the small bottle either it was the big one. Needless to say I'm washing everything from the bathroom (second time in two days) he is covered in it and looks like the hulk.

Meanwhile hubby was asleep in the room next door and I am convinced he is pretending. I threw the wee man in the shower and he moved into the bath instead so the green just spread even further. Eventually hubby got up and complained about the mess I had made. He was smiling and it's just lucky he is cute!

He goes back to work tomorrow, I go back to normal life. This is my year to get my shit together. I'm all over it in 2012. Not to many resolutions but I had to make some.
1. Stop yelling ( food coloring incident can't count surely)
2. Be healthy ( note this does not mean loose weight because that is a battle I'm not currently prepared to or able to fight)
3. Be happy, which I am currently enjoying.

Boys are at school 3 days this year and hopefully I have work to pay for that, if not meh I will have to pull them out one day. No real drama, life tends to let me know if I'm doing to much.

I got my first migraine in years the other day and my vision went all puddley. Scary considering how many I used to get. We were at the beach and playing on the boat so it was not the best timing. My god regardless we had such a great time. The boys were loving the sand and the water.

Tom is howling gotta fly

Ciao

A line in the sand

Well it's been a while! No apologies though been loving the holidays. The little family are happy is pigs in mud and I am just the same. No reason for not writing other than I have not needed or wanted to. We have had Christmas parties, dinners with fab friends, loads of get togethers, a trip away in the sun, Christmas and new years and are just enjoying being at home with our boys. Hubby is making home made pizzas on the BBQ and I am happily eating them. I went to the gym yesterday and was bored out of my mind because I'm on walking duties only until my over active thyroid rights itself (new med's again)it was good to be moving though.I will soon find out if the overactive result has improved enough for me to either have surgery or radioactive iodine treatment. Not sure about the latter. My questions about RI treatment is how can they be sure that it won't harm you or your family years later. After all dad had the same treatment years ago and then my mum and he both went on to get cancer. Mmmmm not keen on the unknown. The surgery is a risk because they have no idea if they are going to damage you and if they will take the right amount. Oh I dont know but the last 4 years have really taken its toll on me and I want the roller coaster to stop so I can get off. Although I am contented I do not feel like myself and am questioning who I am, I wonder if having either treatment will draw a line in the sand for me to step over. Tom did #2's yesterday all by himself in the potty. Such a big boy. He is stringing sentences together and is just a ball of energy. Will plays so well with him and they talk and play all day. Tom follows everything Will does. Our little girl bunny is keeping them amused as they chase her round the garden. I have no work this month and am so glad I want to get my creative on and nock a few things of my bucket list. Off to the beach tomorrow again. Love it! Today I give thanks for all the amazing and positive people I have in my life, it is with you my sun shines.