Shape versus size

It appears that I may be a little critical of myself...

I went to the shops and was looking at buying something to wear for last night.
I wanted the navy and white polka dot jeans (no chance I was trying on jeans though)

I tried on a dress that was a size 14 and it was so tight. I was so devastated. All I was thinking was c'mon, I'm working my ass of and I'm dying to walk into a shop and pick up a dress and for the only issue to be is the style.

I hate that these shops carry mainly sizes up to 14 and maybe sometimes you can see a 16. That means I am the biggest or second from the biggest in women's clothing. Talk about a downer.
I beat myself up, I felt so down.
I think that I'm huge!

Then
I looked at a photo from last night.

Seriously what in the hell is my problem??
I am healthy and strong and very fit.

Why do I have such a bad attitude about my size? About my body? About a number?

It is ridiculous and time consuming and such a waist of time!
Dad says dress to suit your body, I say change my body. And I am but in the meantime dress the skin I'm in.

I saw a pic the other day and read the comments that followed and I want to point out that even neked I still have the muffin top. If I have jeans on they need to be tight enough to stop from sliding of my ass. My ass just doesn't stop anything falling off.

 This looks unsightly. I am aware of it but this is my shape. So no jeans, no pants. Painful!

I gained twenty kilo's and I had a valid reason for it. I no longer have that disease and I am doing everything I can to get my ultimate healthy strong body.

I have the finish line drawn, I need to keep the journey going.
I need the positive energy to get to it.

So i am aware of the trigger and I need to stay away from it. Shopping for clothes is not where I am yet. I have a bit to go before this wont upset me. Sooooo no clothes shopping for the moment.

I don't want to be the girl that talks about this as an issue when I'm out. So that's the reason for blogging it down.

I did learn something last night whilst whinging about it. I need to eat before my morning workout to jump start my metabolism. So Nuts in the car on the way is the go. Also I was told to take my meds at the same time everyday with food as it effects absorption.
My mate has a few DVDs for me to look at too. Education is power.

Dinner with friends was a test. I didn't over eat to extreme but I did eat a few things that were naughty. I drank water with dinner and I stopped eating.I switched to wine instead of the mixers and vodka.

Then at 2am we hit maccas in a drunken shambles. Thumbs down but so hilarious!

I'm going to keep on trucking!!!

I am not going to be so hard on myself, if you catch me kick my arse