I'm up and it is a ridiculous hour. I can not for the life of me get back to sleep, damn it!
I can feel a panic attack brewing so all I could think to do was write it down.
Don't you hate it when all you can do is think about that one thing that went wrong. My regret is that their is nothing that I can or could have done to change the situation. I really do have a broken, swollen torn in half heart. Dramatic you might think to yourself... Well no word of a lie this is how it feels.
I want more than anything to have this feeling gone.
We have so much change happening at the moment and I feel so unsettled. Hubby is in between an old job and a new one. I hope so much that he is going to flourish at this next role. He is happier than he has been in a long time and we are talking and laughing all the time. He is great with the boys, Friday night he had a fire and they both sat in this bucket thing together with pillows and blankets.
They boys are getting so big. I was in the kitchen and copped a kick to the ankle last night, little bugger!
My bub gives fantastic cuddles.

We have extras in our bed almost every night. hmmm should work on that as it may become another bad habit, but I do love a hot water bottle laying next to me :)
Had another fantastic weekend seeing friends and having family time together, jumping on the trampoline. I have been making much more of an effort to getting out and seeing my friends. I am loving working out and am seeing some changes in my body. I found some great REAL images on Pinterest yesterday and wanted to share them with all my fellow body battlers:

She looks so happy! and REAL!

I am desperately trying to give up milk and bread, although it didn't go to well yesterday. Probably part of the reason I can not sleep. My tummy feels horrid.
I have done some more research into what I can do dietary wise to help my Graves disease and by starting with cutting or reducing these two things I would really help myself.
I missed my pills Saturday night, that may be another reason why I am up writing myself out of feeling like this. Pills? I am so over taking pills.
I have a few things I must tend to, such as completing another allergy test. eradicate the allergy foods as much as possible.I need to start taking Cod Liver Oil enriched with vitamin D, An alkalizing diet helps apparently; so do psyllium husks, slippery elm powder and probiotics (all of this stuff is totally new to me, but I will give it a try)
Apparently Missy Elliot has Graves disease and Sarah Wilson wrote a great blog on it. Very inspiring.
I was very introverted yesterday at my friends place, you know when you cant put a sentence together and anything you do say sounds wrong!
I have put some thought into what my direction is for working, still no real clear idea whats next...
I love to get my hands dirty, I would love to renovate everyday if I could. I adore pretty things. I miss the girls from work but at the end of last year the job was to much for me truthfully. I could not handle all my balls and kept dropping them.
Being the best mum I can be seems to be at the top of my list. I figure that these little bubs are going to be at school before I know it. Might as well try and relax while they are still babies.
Must think about Tomi's birthday and Christmas next. What to do this year?

Well I feel better, you did the trick blogger!