Alone on the beach for health reasons :)

It turns out the me time ain't so bad.
It's day four and I am laying under a giant tree listening to the waves crash on the sand.
Some would say thAt taking of alone is strange, but what else would you do of you were radioactive?
I spent a few nights at my parents and slept in. It was fantastic catching up on sleep.
I feel good, tired but otherwise good. I have sore eyes, a fast heart beat and pains in my muscles.
The treatment itself was quick. I sat in the nuclear section of the hospital And when I was called up I was taken to a room and they gave me a flask, inside the metal flask was a glass tube and in that was a pill. Down the hatch and then I could go. I went to my brothers but I really needed a sleep as the stress of it all, the night before had left me sleepy.
So that's it really. 7 days away from kids and keeping my distance from people and I am on the road to normal.
Good times ahead. No more excuses. It's Jenny time. Haha I'm very excited.
So I'm on the beach I had a coffee and an egg and bacon thing(no bread) and I'm watching the people go by.
This is magic but I miss my family. Not long to go. Three more sleeps
I will try attaching photos for you

The night before

So...
Tomorrow Is the day that I see the end of Graves disease.

Although I can't bear the thought of being away from my home and my family for so long (7 days) it is a means to an end.

I am going to the nuclear department of westmead. I will take a dose of radioactive iodine. It takes a three days to leave my system and in that time I need to be very aware of my saliva and waste as it will be radioactive. Today I had my compulsory pregnancy blood test (required as they will not treat any pregnant woman).

I'm not really sure on the other details as I have been told different things. I'm interested in what the doctors have to tell me at westmead.

I guess I am nervous, I am concerned about the treatment as it has effected my family before and we have no knowing what the long term effects will be. The Endocronologist advised me that this treatment was preferred and not surgery. Apparantly the risk of surgery far out ways the Amount of radiation used.

I have had no pills since last Friday and the pain is becoming unbearable. I remember when I was pregnant I would wake to cramps in my legs and would scream. These pains are random but not as severe. They are more often though.
My eyes hurt as well and I do not want to sleep.

All I am doing is eating. I'm nervous it's what I do. My husband is telling me not to...

What if it doesn't work? What if I put weight on. I don't know. What if I do this and I get cancer. Am I doing the right thing?

I'm tired

The unexpected

Well, never expected this!

The thing about being a woman is that certain time of month when things, put simply... Go fucking crazy!

Seriously I new that going of happy pills would mean closer to normal. What I didn't put any thought into is that around that time of the month I would very often take a few extras to help me cope. Holy crap this is just hell.

I want to cry at everything. Today I haven't even managed to shower.

When your best mate says "hmmm, yeah I thought it was your time of the month" and all you can do from reaching through the phone and yelling " it's got nothing to do with that" is grin and bear it. Seriously I had not put two and two together until she said it. What a twit! Yep I have hit unbalanced. Where are my pills????? Gimme gimme gimme

but NO not this time, I'm going to get through it.

Today really does fucking suck though! I went to the gym and over did it, heart rate went over 160 so I went down like a bag of shit in the middle of a pump class. came home mustered up the energy to dress and drop boys at school. Got home and went to bed. Vacuumed and was trying to get through this mega mess when I went down again. Seriously I want normal!!!!! I feel light headed and Am having to force food down because I feel sick. I have dropped the vac on me, kicked my toe and the mess just isn't moving.

All I want to do is curl up and go back to bed. I feel so guilty that I'm not at the other house working. Honestly it is all too hard!

I know that writing it down helps me to come to realizations, such as forget the guilt. If I don't shake this feeling It will get a lot worse. So I will sit for a while, I won't go to work today. Next time I go to the gym I will pace myself. I need to look after me.

I am a horror for the next few days so I need to do all I can to get through it.

I think I need some perspective.

We have friends who are going through hell and I'm having a bad monthly, Jesus this really is a strange life!

The laughter

Bloody hell. Another Australia day come and gone...
this last 12 months went by so fast.

Bucketing down with rain followed by the crazy stinking hot weather, seriously?
we could have been at the beach again like last year. But its so inconsistent that we just went to the pub. Great group of mates relaxing together with the kids running around like little ants.
So nice to have a day together.

I felt no pressure today, was having a horrendous hair day and it is crazy funny how that effects your mood. Hair is everything to a woman. Never let anybody tell you otherwise. Husband thought he did something wrong and laughed when I told him my hair is awful. Not that funny honey!!

Come on will power lets get ME sorted out asap. We can do it Step up!!!

lots happening with renovation I'm doing. Demo'd a kitchen yesterday nothing more empowering than ripping the guts out of a daggy kitchen alone. GIRL POWER

Then home to picking up toys and wiping bums. Don't forget the kisses and cuddles and the most important. The laughter.

Ciao and happy Australia Day

Peace at last.

I don't have much time, the lil fellas are having a bath.

Wow the most fantastic, excellent new is that I'm off the happy pills!!! It happened by accident but I am off them. I feel so happy and I can't believe it.

I ran out of them and didn't refill the prescription. I had a few headaches and my appetite has increased but I have had no dark thoughts and am smiling at nothing.

It is so hard to understand that being balanced can seem like such an achievement but jesus Christ I did it.
My sense of humor is back and I'm feeling as whitty as (I think) I was before. Some may disagree whatever.

Thyroid levels are still too high to have treatment and blood pressure is also to high. I am excersising and watching my pressure as I go. I have joined the 10 million kilo challenge and am about to shop for the new healthy eating plan. I am reading more about a healthy life and also about how to beat auto immune disease. I can not wait for the treatment to kill of my thyroid, I think it will be about six weeks before we can consider it. Ah well when it does happen I will be normal and will not have to monitor anything!!! Oh that will be fucking great.

Had a wicked couple of days, so many laughs. Kids are just so cool. Will went up to the very top of a carnival slide and slid down on a hessian sack all by himself. No fear that kid. I love it. I admire it.

Been thinking a lot about what we have and why we all need so much more, when my parents brought us to Australia from Scotland they had nothing. We had milk crates for furniture and mum knitted to earn a wage. Knitting can you believe it? We are so caught up in stuff. Why we don't need it. My kids dont go without, they certainly don't want for anything. I'm not working this month and so we are not spending as we would normally and today I was thinking wow I don't miss it.

We had great mets over last night and Jesus Christ being 31 and having so much fun.... Life could not be better. The people in my life are my fortune.

I don't want stress, I don't want bitching, I want easy, relaxed fun.
I have lunch with my girlfriends today and damn I can not wait.



Boys are out the bath. Have a great day guys.

Smile and spare a thought for how much we have.

Bloody Nora this morning was horrendous!

Flipping pantry moths have invaded the pantry so I had to empty it out and use a cotton bud in all the holes to clean it out YUK! So whilst I'm knee deep in boxes, cans and packets my wee man gets hold of the green food coloring and proceeds to redecorate the lounge and bathroom!!!!! Green everywhere. It s not the small bottle either it was the big one. Needless to say I'm washing everything from the bathroom (second time in two days) he is covered in it and looks like the hulk.

Meanwhile hubby was asleep in the room next door and I am convinced he is pretending. I threw the wee man in the shower and he moved into the bath instead so the green just spread even further. Eventually hubby got up and complained about the mess I had made. He was smiling and it's just lucky he is cute!

He goes back to work tomorrow, I go back to normal life. This is my year to get my shit together. I'm all over it in 2012. Not to many resolutions but I had to make some.
1. Stop yelling ( food coloring incident can't count surely)
2. Be healthy ( note this does not mean loose weight because that is a battle I'm not currently prepared to or able to fight)
3. Be happy, which I am currently enjoying.

Boys are at school 3 days this year and hopefully I have work to pay for that, if not meh I will have to pull them out one day. No real drama, life tends to let me know if I'm doing to much.

I got my first migraine in years the other day and my vision went all puddley. Scary considering how many I used to get. We were at the beach and playing on the boat so it was not the best timing. My god regardless we had such a great time. The boys were loving the sand and the water.

Tom is howling gotta fly

Ciao

A line in the sand

Well it's been a while! No apologies though been loving the holidays. The little family are happy is pigs in mud and I am just the same. No reason for not writing other than I have not needed or wanted to. We have had Christmas parties, dinners with fab friends, loads of get togethers, a trip away in the sun, Christmas and new years and are just enjoying being at home with our boys. Hubby is making home made pizzas on the BBQ and I am happily eating them. I went to the gym yesterday and was bored out of my mind because I'm on walking duties only until my over active thyroid rights itself (new med's again)it was good to be moving though.I will soon find out if the overactive result has improved enough for me to either have surgery or radioactive iodine treatment. Not sure about the latter. My questions about RI treatment is how can they be sure that it won't harm you or your family years later. After all dad had the same treatment years ago and then my mum and he both went on to get cancer. Mmmmm not keen on the unknown. The surgery is a risk because they have no idea if they are going to damage you and if they will take the right amount. Oh I dont know but the last 4 years have really taken its toll on me and I want the roller coaster to stop so I can get off. Although I am contented I do not feel like myself and am questioning who I am, I wonder if having either treatment will draw a line in the sand for me to step over. Tom did #2's yesterday all by himself in the potty. Such a big boy. He is stringing sentences together and is just a ball of energy. Will plays so well with him and they talk and play all day. Tom follows everything Will does. Our little girl bunny is keeping them amused as they chase her round the garden. I have no work this month and am so glad I want to get my creative on and nock a few things of my bucket list. Off to the beach tomorrow again. Love it! Today I give thanks for all the amazing and positive people I have in my life, it is with you my sun shines.